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You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...
- You ski uphill.
- You speed walk in your sleep.
- You answer the door before people knock.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
- You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You've built a miniature city out of plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- People can test their batteries in your ears.
- When someone asks you, "How are you?" -- you answer, "Good to the last drop."
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You go to sleep so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
- Your thermos is on wheels.
- You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- You think being called a drip is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You don't get mad, you get steamed.
- You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
- You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
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